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Writing is Fighting
Novelists for Life Cybergroup
KIS.list, August 2002, Volume 27
I've had a few low-level rejections this month. An editor
requested a story from me for his magazine's special issue
on race. Because of the magazine's thrust-hip, hip hop, cool-I
was dubious from the beginning. I sent a story certain it
wouldn't work with the publication's outlook. The editor who
solicited the story liked it, but HIS editor didn't. So they're
not going to use it. I ran into another magazine editor randomly,
so I sent her an essay that had already been published for
an anthology. Turns out her magazine didn't want it, but it
didn't matter because I didn't really expect it to work and
it already had a home. I call these rejections low level because,
thought it would have been pleasant to be picked up by these
magazines, it wasn't crucial. It's somewhat hypocritical,
because I would include these stories in my acceptances if
they got accepted, but hypocritical or not, I consider these
rejections too innocuous to include them on the meter.
I had one acceptance this month: an erotic story of mine
is going to be included in an anthology of black women's erotica.
That makes my acceptances and rejections for publications
equal out at 6 to 6.
The COLONIZE THIS! reading was on Wednesday. I didn't get
the KIS.list together in time to send out the announcement
for the reading. The book cover is beautiful and the essays
included are on wildly diverse topics. One writer wrote about
growing up with a schizophrenic mother during a time period
and in a community that didn't deal with mental health. Her
mother talked to herself, screamed at invisible people and
frequently didn't recognize her own daughter. After one bout
in a mental institution for the infanticide of the author's
older sibling, the mother learned how to appear normal in
public. When her mother died, a friend asked the author if
her mother was taking medication. The author confided she
didn't know her mother was supposed to be on medication. Another
essay deals with a woman who watched her mother-who was a
sex worker-put on her sexy clothes and make up as armor to
empower herself to get what she needed and arm herself against
the world. And as a young girl, the author began to use makeup
in the same way. Another essay was a personal retelling of
a woman's experience deciding to have an abortion and what
that abortion was like. There are some extremely passionate,
intriguing essays included in the anthology, and I fully encourage
any interested parties to either pick it up from a bookstore
or check it out at the library... I'm off to read the essays.
| KIINI'S
ACCEPTANCE/REJECTION O'METER: August 2001 - present
Acceptances: publications: 6, grants/fellowships: 0,
residencies/workshops: 0
Rejections: publications: 6, grants/fellowships: 1,
residencies/workshops: 4
KIINI'S ACCEPTANCE/REJECTION O'METER: August 2001 -
present |
On my novelists e-group, we are always discussing writing.
The processes of writing, the challenges, the failures and
successes, what scares us about it, how we triumphed over
an obstacle or a block. During one of our discussions on writing,
a member of the list, Angel Shannon (who has an online
diary at: and a website
at: http://www.authorsden.com/angelvshannon) wrote:
ishmael
reed says "writing is fighting." and the brother
is right! Writing is fighting your internal editor, fighting
your boss at work who wants you to do overtime while you
sincerely need to get back to your characters who are in
the midst of something that only you can resolve; fighting
your kid(s) who want you to jump in the four inch pool with
them ..... fighting the husband/lover who wants you to jump
in the bed and rock his world while you sincerely need to
find out who shot john in your novel; it is fighting the
urge to throw it all away sometimes; fighting the thoughts
that tell you you are on the wrong track because after all,
this is your -- what? third year writing this thing, and
you could have had two MBA's by now -- it is so, so hard
yet so exhilarating at the same time. it is a fight to get
those words in the right order, on the right page, in the
right chapter, in the right section. writing involves moments
when you're fighting to write and it's just not there...and
you're looking at that calendar thinking "i'm never
gonna make that deadline."
but what i truly feel writing is, at least for me, is that
it is an existence. a way of being and seeing and understanding
my world. me and my writing have grown together and it has
been a lesson in patience.... writing forces me to be and
learn patience. every writer -- every beginning writer,
let's just say -- needs to know that yes, writing is craft
and practice and workshops and networking and learning how
to write a synopsis .... but even more than that, it's being
patient with oneself and with the whole process. and it's
also being patient enough to know when to leave a story
be, to set it aside, to work on something else....to admit
when it truly is not there and you don't know enough about
the character or the story or whatever....
was listening to alice walker and joyce carol oates -- two
tapes that I have -- both authors say they can spend almost
a whole year doing nothing but writing notes, jotting ideas,
writing down snippets of dialogue in their notebooks until
they feel, in their hearts, that the story is truly present.
one could say that's a waste of time. i say, it's proof
positive that they -- being older writers -- have learned
that this thing truly is about patience.
Angel's
words really ring true for me. I think the progression of
the definition-first: writing is fighting, then writing is
patience-is how I've developed my relationship to writing.
Actually when I started writing, writing wasn't fighting.
Writing was fun. Writing was pure expression. Writing was
a reaction to stories that wouldn't stop repeating themselves
in my head. Writing became work four years later when I became
bored with what I could do naturally. My recounting real-life
experiences was good, but I wanted to do something "interesting",
something that would challenge and interest me as a reader.
That's how I stumbled upon speculative fiction.
I was writing the sixth story of my four-year "career".
When I finished it and read it over, it was fine. There was
nothing wrong with it, but it was yet another recounting of
yet another event in my life and I was BORED. I reread it,
searching for some key to making the story a more interesting
experience. I found a compelling element, a moth on the wall
in one of the scenes, and I thought: What if that moth was
special in someway? What if that moth came to deliver a message
to the characters in the scene? If that moth were delivering
a message, what would that message be? Suddenly the moth became
a message from the ancestors (who lived on another planet)
telling one character it was time to consume the "nectar"
of another character. That's how "Of Wings, Nectar, and
Ancestors" was born (it can be read on my website www.kiiniibura.com).
Once I went fanciful with the plot, I went fanciful with the
language too. I wondered, how would a people related to moths
communicate? Would they talk? Would they use their bodies?
And I began piecing together an alien identity for the main
character, WaLiLa.
After "Of Wings, Nectar, and Ancestors" writing
became crafting. I became more aware of what I was creating.
Well, suddenly, I was creating rather than recreating what
had already happened. The fictional elements of my writing
grew and I began creating "pieces". I was seeking,
not only to tell a story, but to introduce tones and sensations
to the reader's experience. I thought immediately of Jean
Toomer's book CANE. Reading his work is like stepping into
a sensory environment. Every time I read CANE I came away
with specific feelings, and I thought I'd like to approach
each story with a commitment to interjecting visceral sensations
in the writing. Writing became a whole new ballgame.
When did writing become fighting?
Writing became fighting when I became an "adult".
When I got a 9-5 and the novel I had been feverishly writing
during a 12-month traveling fellowship was no longer a fun
diversion. With limitations on my time, the novel became something
"important" to "work" on. Then I had to
fight. I had to fight my impulses to sleep, I had to fight
talking on the phone, I had to fight my own indulgence and
keep turning to the page. I believe writing is fighting not
only because the writing process is difficult, but also because
of the context the writer is forced to write in.
Two major contexts that make writing fighting are:
1. responsibilities
2. money/publication/fame
Writing is an all-consuming act because there is so much
mental work involved. The brain needs space to work out plots
and characters and resolutions. This becomes challenged when
children or work or money struggles enter the picture. Writing
in the vacuum of no responsibilities feels completely different.
With nothing else tugging at your sleeve, it's a million times
easier to focus, to commit, to lose yourself in the work.
Whereas, when the rest of life is spinning around you, you
have to set alarms to wake up a few hours earlier. You have
to answer the phone with "I'm writing", instead
of "hello", to prioritize the writing over the delicious
option of a fun phone conversation. You have to tell the people
you love most in the world "not now, later."
Then, when the writing has to serve another purpose outside
of pure pleasure another element of fighting intrudes. When
you're trying to write the great American novel, when you're
seeking validation for the brilliance of your work. When you've
created deadlines with your eye on other new novels that seem
to be springing up, the purity of the act of writing is replaced
by the urgency of seeking a result.
Last year I decided I needed to get serious about novel-writing,
last year I decided I needed to connect with my audience,
last year I built a website, last year I started the KIS.list.
Last year I did a lot of fighting.
Fighting that fight made last year one of the most productive
times in my writing career. [It would be false to call it
last YEAR, I did all that in the space of five months.] It
was gratifying to make a real presence for myself in the outside
world, and it was wonderful to have an identity in cyberspace,
BUT I fought so hard, I burnt myself out. I was so burnt out
that I didn't write on my last writing trip. I rested and
read seven novels. I had put out so much, I was exhausted.
I had to start quietly rebuilding my resources and taking
in information rather than putting it out.
How do you fight to write without consuming yourself? Without
destroying your health and well-being?
Now, I've reached the next level of relationship to writing.
Writing is still fighting, but it is also, as Angel says,
patience. I call it "faith." Writing is faith. Now
when I come to the computer and I fall asleep instead of writing
my prescribed four pages, I fight to listen to my body. I
fight to rest instead of push. I still set goals, but now
I struggle to have faith that even if I don't push myself
the writing will be done. A few weeks ago, I fell asleep every
time I tried to work on my novel. I was angry and frustrated,
but I decided to surrender to it. Then, on my next writing
day, I spent the entire day writing with no problem of focus
or sleepiness. I use that example to remind myself, the work
will be done. I am not a machine. I must sometimes give in
to exhaustion and rest. Let my body work its needs out, then
return to the page refreshed and begin again.
Faith is connected to patience. Faith is connected to optimism
and hope. For me, faith is mostly connected to surrender.
I have such a different attitude this year than last. I don't
know if this attitude is "better", and I don't know
where it will lead me. But my new attitude doesn't "know"
what her future as a writer is. Isn't "certain"
that there will be a novel completed this year. This new attitude,
schedules writing days, sets goals, and works hard to keep
them. But when the writing slips through my fingers, I accept
it as a piece of life, the price of keeping myself healthy
and sane. And I have faith that the next day I sit down and
write will be different. I have faith that the next time I
sit down to write, I will deliver.
Be well. Be love(d).
Kiini Ibura Salaam
=======FOR=========THE========RECORD=========
I wrote about Keturah Kendrick in week 24, the May installment
of the KIS.list. She is having her first one woman show on
Friday Sept. 20 and Saturday Sept. 21. If you're in the city,
I hope to see you there.
Contact: Keturah Kendrick [email protected]
For Immediate Release:
Comedic Storyteller at WOW Theater
On Friday, September 20th and Saturday, September 21st, the
WOW Cafe Theater will present the hilarious insights and ridiculous
realities of storyteller, Keturah Kendrick in According to
Keturah. These two shows starting at 9 p.m. each night will
kick off the fall season for this black box theater which
for the past 21 years has been run by a collective of women.
Admission is $10 with a discount price of $7 for students,
artists and your run of the mill poor people. The theater
is located at 59 E. 4th Street between 2nd Avenue and Bowery.
The 6 to Astor Place, N/R to 8th Street or F to 2nd Avenue
puts any eager comedy and/or performance art lover within
walking distance of the space. For reservations, call 212-777-4280.
A recent transplant to New York City, Keturah Kendrick is
originally from New Orleans, La. She has been a New Yorker
for about a year now. "My anniversary was officially
July 20th," she's informed friends and random commuters
on the subway. "I came here to take over the comedy world...I
think now I'm just gonna carry my butt to grad school and
call it a day."
A writer, performer and teaching artist, Keturah admits to
constantly studying life and the millions of people who are
trying to survive it. The information she gets from these
careful observations provides material for her routines in
the art form she has coined "comedic storytelling."
Not a joke teller, but a thoughtful and honest interpreter
of humans and their hypocrisies, Keturah talks frankly of
life, love and other absurdities.
WOW, an acronym for Women's One World, is an ideal spot for
this brand of brash and intelligent humor. Formed in 1981
as an 11-day international women's theater festival, the WOW
Cafe Theater has consistently produced artists who challenge
the mainstream limitations of art and performance. The collective
of women who currently operate the theater is excited to add
yet another bold broad to their roster of performers.
For more information or to find out about other shows
at WOW, go to www.wowcafe.org.
ALSO: $3,000 Grant Available for Scholarship &
Activism
The Audre Lorde Legacy Award and Fellowship
The Legacy Award is a $3,000 grant to a researcher, organization,
activist, artist, or scholar whose work combines scholarship
and activism in the groundbreaking tradition established by
Audre Lorde.
The Audre Lorde Fellowship is awarded annually to a woman
of color writer/activist whose work breaks silences imposed
on women of color by the larger culture/power structure. Fellowship
award winners receive a one-month retreat at Norcroft, a writer's
retreat for women, and a $1,000 stipend. Prize recipients
are honored annually at a national benefit held in Washington
in May.
For more information about degree programs call 1-800-486-3116.
Website: www.tui.edu/osr/audre.htm and Fellowship
Website: www.tui.edu/osr/fellowship.htm Jaime M. Grant, Director
The Union Institute Center for Women 1710 Rhode Island Avenue,
NW
Washington, DC 20036 800-969-6676
ALSO: Capoeira Classes for Kids (I'm late
with this notice, but perhaps the class will continue beyond
the summer)
My cousin writes:
For anyone interested in capoeira classes for kids, here's
a great inexpensive class that just started this month. Capoeira
is an Afro-Brazilian martial art created by the Africans brought
as slaves to Brazil some 400 years ago. Today, it's an integral
part of Brazilian culture and is a respected art form worldwide.
Capoeira mixes powerful kicks and sweeps, defense strategies,
music and song. I've been training capoeira for the past two
years and I love it! I've gotten stronger, more flexible and
much quicker on my feet.
If you have a child or know a child who would be interested
in taking capoeira classes this summer, here's the class for
you! Simon (Sombracelha) is a very skilled and patient instructor
who makes the class fun for the
students. In addition to learning capoeira moves and playing
capoeira with each other, the students will also learn the
instruments and songs of capoeira (in Brazilian Portuguese!).
This is a great opportunity for a child during the summer.
All the information is below. CAPOEIRA
Kids Classes
At Spoke The Hub
At the Gowanus
295 Douglass St., 3rd Floor
Buzzer #6
(bet. 3rd and 4th Ave.)
Brooklyn, New York
Instructor: Aluno Sombrancelha
Student of Mestranda Edna Lima of Abada Capoeira GroupThe
class is located just three blocks from the Union St. stop
on the
N-train. If coming from Flatbush Ave. or the Pacific St. exit
at the
Atlantic/Pacific station it's 7 blocks walking along 4th Ave.
Students should wear a plain white T-shirt and loose fitting
white pants.
BE SURE TO BRING WATER.
Class is 11am-1pm on Sundays. $12/class or 3 classes for $30.
Parents are welcome to sit in and observe the class.
Questions: call Simon @718.797.37.72
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